But the problem, my dear friends, is when our expectations are not met. We are very often then met by the three D's: disappointment, disillusionment & distress.
Disappointment of course that we didn't get the desired outcome we wanted, wether it be a promotion at work, the grade we sought on a paper in school or the active pursuit from our latest crush.
Disillusionment that maybe success at work, in school or in matters of the heart are just not in our reach.
And distress that possibly we may never reach those goals that we seek. That perhaps we're not worthy of them.
What would those spiritual gurus & life coaches say to you then?! Turn that frown upside down! Keep on truckin'! Roadblocks are only there to see how badly you want something! And though all this may be true, it's hard to see the light when you're right in the muck of not getting the outcome you wanted; of not having your expectations met. Especially if this let down has happened repeatedly. You get burned. You get soured & cynical.
But let's ask ourselves what would happen if we took away our expectations. I recently tried this exercise & found that I was a whole lot less pissed about the unforeseen circumstances. Let's be honest, our reactions to situations are a cumulative response to all past & present situations. You didn't get that raise that you felt was such a done deal you'd already envisioned how you would invest, spend & save the extra cash? That can be quite ego-bruising, but realistically would you be as upset had you not already "mentally" cashed out your raise? Probably not. And the latest guy you're dating had to reschedule plans to see you last minute? How terribly annoying! Just like all the other guys before him that pulled that bull$hit! Did this guy have a legitimate reason? Like helping pack up his recently diseased uncle's house & all of his worldly possessions? Yeah, maybe. But there was also that other guy who cancelled without a good excuse... wait, who cares?! They're not the same person (& hopefully the latter one is no longer in the picture)! We have to remind ourselves that not all situations are alike, nor are the people they involve. It's challenging to not be reactive. Seriously, you look up reactive & there'd be a picture of combustible elements & chemicals... & me. But --& this is something I'm still working on-- we can't control the situations we find ourselves in, but we can only control our reaction to them. We can step back, breathe, reassess & realize if it's not this time, maybe it will be next time. Or the time after that. I've found that yoga & meditation has helped me be less reactive, & more contemplative & accepting.
An example of "if at first you don't succeed, try, try... & try again": Dr. Seuss' first published book was rejected 45 times before it ever went to press. Had he given up after the 44th attempt & stored away his typewriter there would be no Cat in the Hat, no Green Eggs & Ham & no gems of wisdom like:
But let's ask ourselves what would happen if we took away our expectations. I recently tried this exercise & found that I was a whole lot less pissed about the unforeseen circumstances. Let's be honest, our reactions to situations are a cumulative response to all past & present situations. You didn't get that raise that you felt was such a done deal you'd already envisioned how you would invest, spend & save the extra cash? That can be quite ego-bruising, but realistically would you be as upset had you not already "mentally" cashed out your raise? Probably not. And the latest guy you're dating had to reschedule plans to see you last minute? How terribly annoying! Just like all the other guys before him that pulled that bull$hit! Did this guy have a legitimate reason? Like helping pack up his recently diseased uncle's house & all of his worldly possessions? Yeah, maybe. But there was also that other guy who cancelled without a good excuse... wait, who cares?! They're not the same person (& hopefully the latter one is no longer in the picture)! We have to remind ourselves that not all situations are alike, nor are the people they involve. It's challenging to not be reactive. Seriously, you look up reactive & there'd be a picture of combustible elements & chemicals... & me. But --& this is something I'm still working on-- we can't control the situations we find ourselves in, but we can only control our reaction to them. We can step back, breathe, reassess & realize if it's not this time, maybe it will be next time. Or the time after that. I've found that yoga & meditation has helped me be less reactive, & more contemplative & accepting.
An example of "if at first you don't succeed, try, try... & try again": Dr. Seuss' first published book was rejected 45 times before it ever went to press. Had he given up after the 44th attempt & stored away his typewriter there would be no Cat in the Hat, no Green Eggs & Ham & no gems of wisdom like:
All this being said, we can't let unmet expectations dissuade us from setting goals & planning on attaining them. I'm not quite sure what the secret is to find the happy balance between our intentions & expectations. It's a tricky dance, but one that's worth the possible missteps along the way. Dream big, fall hard, get up & do it all over again, 'cause really what else do we got?
It all boils down to: the day you stop having expectations, is the day you stop dreaming, & a life without dreams is hardly a life at all.
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