The New New



New year, new sparks.

I really love the start of a new year. It's not the big parties, time off from school or work, or the resolutions. To me, new year has always brought the promise of new beginnings with it. Ever since I was a little girl, I superstitiously thought that whatever you were doing at the start of a new year would signify what the rest of your year would look like. And in thinking such, as the countdown begins & the following minutes afterward, I to this day, like to imagine all the goodness I want to see for myself in the coming 365 days. I mean great if, at the stroke of midnight, you could be surrounded by all those you love, family, friends & lovers, but how many of us can actually accomplish having all these fantastic people in one place, at one time, on one night? Or if you could actually, physically be doing something incredible, like skydiving, skiing the Swiss Alps, swimming with dolphins or whatever (who would do this at midnight, I don't know, but I'm sure there are those thrill seekers out there). But what I find the most pertinent is to envision all the intentions you have for yourself in the new year. It's the recognition that you want to spend more time with those fantastic friends, family & lovers. It's the determination that this will indeed be the year you will go skydiving, ski the Swiss Alps &/or swim with dolphins. It's the humble appreciation for what was & the excited anticipation for what will be. Year after year, I literally have butterflies in my stomach as the clock strikes midnight. It's like pulling away a veil; a veil that is revealing a shiny, new beautiful gift. A gift of new beginnings & new opportunities, new experiences & new wonders. There's just so much hope surrounding a new year. All those disappointments, heart breaks & failures? Well hell! That was last year!! This year holds all sorts of new promise. And therefore, it's important to make space for all the new new that will be entering your life. Very little will be able to come in, if nothing comes out. 

New day

This year my theme for New Year's was that I was going to start living more of my truth. Not that I was a dishonest person to begin with, in fact I told a couple friends this theme of mine & their replies were like "Annie?! Telling you more of the truth?! Uh oh, look out!" which I found both endearing & funny, because they were friends I'd had heart to hearts with & they couldn't possibly imagine me being more "real." What I mean by living "my truth" was that I was going to evaluate what works for me & what doesn't more. To me, living your truth means opening up your life to people, places & opportunities that make life happier & richer; those people that make you feel thankful to know them, those places that make you more aware & knowledgable & those opportunities that propel you to new experiences. All these prospects make life joyful & prosperous, they make you a better person. And obviously this means you have to curtail any involvement with anything that doesn't do this. Those things (& people) that suck the joy right out of you, well there's just no space for them in the new year. This also meant that I was going to allow myself to be more vulnerable. Be more honest with myself about why I would have made decisions that did not speak to "my truth." And this, this self honesty, could potentially be the most important piece to it all. I've come to the startling realization that every single time I've gone against "my truth," every single time, the shittiest situations have preceded it. This has expressed itself in situations like taking a job I knew would be wrong for me, but deciding to take it anyway because of the excellent pay, later realizing no amount of money is worth being in such a horrible environment or going against my gut & dating people I shouldn't, only later realizing they're not even people I'd want to associate with. Sounds simple, but these are all lessons I had to learn through experience over the years to bring me to where I am in the present. Your intuition is a strong force. We may not give it much credit, & unfortunately sometimes value, because it can seem like such a small voice; a voice that can be drowned out by all the outside noise.  But your intuition is your truth. It leads you to where you should be. Being more vulnerable also means sharing your truth with other like-minded people. People you admire & who make you feel safe, & who also share their truths with you. Those people we can share our pasts with & feel connected to in the present, those are the people who should be part of your future. They should be part of the new new. 

Wise, wise man <3

Perhaps this new year was even more exciting, because I had this theme of living more of "my truth." It's only early-February & I feel an undeniable freshness & openness to the year. That's the thing about living your truth, you get rid of all the b.s.

Time is precious, it goes by so quickly. I want to make sure I'm doing & seeing more of the things that enrich my life & spending time with those who really matter. 

And that, that is my simple truth.



2014:  YEAR OF MAGIC

Simplify to Connect

I am a strong believer in simplifying. This month I decided to give up eating any animal with a face --cow, lamb, pig, chicken, turkey, fish, buffalo, frog, alligator, etc. etc. It's November, so that means no Thanksgiving turkey for me & I'm totally alright with that. This started out as one of the three lifestyle changes I had to take on for thirty days for my environmental studies class. I could have chosen to compost or take short showers, but I already do those & anyway, I love a challenge. I can't deny all the fabulous dishes I've eaten that contained meat/foul/fish throughout my life:  tacos, carne asada, tapas, ceviche, holiday turkey, salmon kebabs, burritos, to name a few. But the fact is there are far too many people living on this planet to support a diet that contains meat. Did you know 70% of the crops we grow in the United States goes to feeding livestock? And that we could feed 800 million people if those crops were directly consumed by people? I didn't either until recently. Here is an article from Cornell University to support this: http://www.news. cornell.edu/stories/1997/08/us-could-feed-800-million-people-grain-livestock-eat
It's an older article, and the world's population has only grown, teetering in the 7 billions, as has agro-business. The whole not eating animals thing is also reinforced by watching documentaries like Food Inc. or watching real videos from mainstream livestock pens, where cruelty, disease & suffering for the animals reign. I genuinely like the idea of grass-fed, free-range, antibiotic-free & pesticide-free anything & everything; it's the way nature intended & also what our ancestors had the pleasure of enjoying. But times have changed & how often do we stalk, catch, kill, skin & process our own prey? And would we still eat animals if we had to? Our planet is simply too small to believe we as consumers can continue in the same manner. We our destroying our land & resources, depleting the oceans & still millions of people are going hungry everyday. We need to find a connection to what we put in our bodies, because being concerned with one's health, happiness & prosperity is environmentally encompassing. Once you are informed about the sources of your food, you will automatically have to be concerned about the environment & the people you share it with; you cannot have compassion for yourself & not have compassion for the world around you. 

<3

I don't mean to stand on a soap box, & quite honestly, this is a one month experiment, so I myself may not be take on a lifetime of vegetarianism, but it's probable. I do think it's important to be informed; to be curious about the consequences of our actions (& inaction). I see this experiment as simplifying because it's made me think twice, not only about what I put in my mouth, but about what I allow into my life. This often happens when I do these 30-day challenges:  abstaining from alcohol or sex or certain foods. You start inspecting other areas of your life. What do you need? What don't you need? It goes way beyond this month's challenge. Maybe the Taurus full moon tonight has something to do with it.

via mysticmamma.com:

“The Taurus Full Moon on November 17 is shining the light on what you love and value. When your goals are aligned with your core values,  your success is promoted. Your power is in the choices you make today. Your freedom and joy is in your ability to live authentically and in alignment with your core values. What you love and value is unique to you. It makes you what you are."
http://www.mysticmamma.com/full-moon-in-taurus-november-17th-2013/

Whatever it is, I feel a genuine need to connect, to be aligned in my thoughts & actions; my desires & dreams; my passions & motives. I've even given up on-line dating, not that it was an over consuming aspect in my life, but I really want to be present & in the here-and-now. I also like the anticipation of the unknown. The synchronicity of just being out in the world & meeting someone you find fantastic & who equally finds you fantastic; a game-changer. It's terribly romantic. Truth be told, I've met some incredible people via the inter-webs that are still in my life today (& if you're reading this, you know who you are, & know that I appreciate you very much) & had some great & not-so-great, but oh-so-hilarious, experiences. That's just it, though, I have had, currently have & will have amazing people & adventure come & go in my life; no need to seek them & have expectations, & undoubtedly disappointments, to go along with that. My experiment is in being present. There is the argument that social media can overly distract us, but I will still use it. There are so many beautiful articles, poignant stories, quotes & videos on my FB feed; epic photographers & beautiful shots to be found on Instagram & quite frankly social media is how I share this blog. Just looking up #SFBatKid & seeing how a Make a Wish project went viral & how an entire city shut down to make one little boy's wish come true will inspire you; it's social media at it's best. Besides all it's faults, it does keep us connected to the rest of the world. And again, I'm all about connecting & being present. There are so many harried distractions; what if we fully absorbed the world we lived in? Would it make us better people? Better friends, children, siblings, parents & lovers? I certainly think so. 

...not just for writers

 

So simple

Great Expectations

Expectations. Are they a positive or negative reaction to a specific outcome we want? Dictionary.com defines expectations as: the act or state of looking forward or anticipating. What could possibly be wrong with the act of looking forward or anticipating? Sounds totally positive & almost like a natural reflex, especially  when said expectations envelope a desirable goal. Is that not the process of visualization transformed into realization? Ask any spiritual guru or life coach & they would encourage & applaud that kind of actualization. 

But the problem, my dear friends,  is when our expectations are not met. We are very often then met by the three D's: disappointment, disillusionment & distress. 

Disappointment of course that we didn't get the desired outcome we wanted, wether it be a promotion at work, the grade we sought on a paper in school or the active pursuit from our latest crush.

Disillusionment that maybe success at work, in school or in matters of the heart are just not in our reach. 

And distress that possibly we may never reach those goals that we seek. That perhaps we're not worthy of them. 

What would those spiritual gurus & life coaches say to you then?! Turn that frown upside down! Keep on truckin'! Roadblocks are only there to see how badly you want something! And though all this may be true, it's hard to see the light when you're right in the muck of not getting the outcome you wanted; of not having your expectations met. Especially if this let down has happened repeatedly. You get burned. You get soured & cynical.
But let's ask ourselves what would happen if we took away our expectations. I recently tried this exercise & found that I was a whole lot less pissed about the unforeseen circumstances. Let's be honest, our reactions to situations are a cumulative response to all past & present situations. You didn't get that raise that you felt was such a done deal you'd already envisioned how you would invest, spend & save the extra cash? That can be quite ego-bruising, but realistically would you be as upset had  you not already "mentally" cashed out your raise? Probably not. And the latest guy you're dating had to reschedule  plans to see you last minute? How terribly annoying! Just like all the other guys before him that pulled that bull$hit! Did this guy have a legitimate reason? Like helping pack up his recently  diseased uncle's house & all of his worldly possessions? Yeah, maybe. But there was also that other guy who cancelled without a good excuse... wait, who cares?! They're not the same person (& hopefully the latter one is no longer in the picture)! We have to remind ourselves that not all situations are alike, nor are the people they involve. It's challenging to not be reactive. Seriously, you look up reactive & there'd be a picture of combustible elements & chemicals... & me. But --& this is something I'm still working on-- we can't control the situations we find ourselves in, but we can only control our reaction to them. We can step back, breathe, reassess & realize if it's not this time, maybe it will be next time. Or the time after that. I've found that yoga & meditation has helped me be less reactive, & more contemplative & accepting.

An example of "if at first you don't succeed, try, try... & try again": Dr. Seuss' first published book was rejected 45 times before it ever went to press. Had he given up after the 44th attempt & stored away his typewriter there would be no Cat in the Hat, no Green Eggs & Ham & no gems of wisdom like:

 

(I Love how Seuss doesn't promise 100%. 98 & 3/4 is probable, but there is always that slight chance you may not succeed. The success encourages you, & the failure keeps you hungry --win/win). 

All this being said, we can't let unmet expectations dissuade us from setting goals & planning on attaining them. I'm not quite sure what the secret is to find the happy balance between our intentions & expectations. It's a tricky dance, but one that's worth the possible missteps along the way. Dream big, fall hard, get up & do it all over again, 'cause really what else do we got? 

It all boils down to: the day you stop having expectations, is the day you stop dreaming, & a life without dreams is hardly a life at all. 

A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime....

 

 

They say people enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. In so many ways this is a beautiful thought, because you can always be thankful for all the people who enter your life, no matter how brief. Often we mourn the relationships that change or that have ended, but realistically nothing is meant to last forever. People change; relationships evolve; the ebb & flow of life brings new friends, partners & lovers into your life. It's all part of the natural process of growing, learning & well, loving. It can be difficult to come to terms with the idea that someone you hold near & dear to your heart may no longer be part of your life, but think of all the experiences, lessons & beauty they brought to you. They enriched your life in so many ways & wasn't it your good fortune to have met them at all? Better to have loved & lost... 

And just think of all the lessons you learned from all those hurtful, frustrating & volatile relationships that entered your life. Man, if there ever was an opportunity for growth & clarity, it's through those challenging situations (& people) that make you aware of what you do & do not want in your life. You kind of have to give them all a great big thank you, & not sarcastically or begrudgingly, but an honest, heart-felt thank you. For those people who were difficult & made your life more challenging don't mean to hurt you, if anything they're probably lacking in something themselves. What ever it might be, be it respect, peace, or love, how can one possibly offer you something they are in need of themselves? We all have our own burdens to bare & don't often recognize each other's struggles. The best we can do for people who have brought some negativity into our lives is wish them well & say farewell. Let's hope they find happiness, because it's something we all want & deserve. And truly be thankful for having known them, & for the valuable things they made us learn about ourselves.

I am quite lucky to have some very enduring friendships in my life --some lasting decades. But of course through them all, we as individuals evolve & change, & quite possibly become closer to others. I do have to say those very meaningful relationships have shaped who I am today, & for better or worse, I wouldn't change that. And as for lovers, well they have added to this beautiful experiment we call life as well.  Quite honestly I don't regret any of my love relationships, if anything my only thought is that I truly hope they knew how much I appreciated them while they were in my life. Because more than anything that is what matters. Truly loving & appreciating deeply, saying & showing it. And in the end, it really is your relationships with others that matter most. Who was important to you? Who were you important to? Who will miss you when you're gone? Whose life did you make a difference in?

It's easy to resist allowing people in your life. It's certainly a challenge to allow yourself to be open, vulnerable & exposed.
But one can also never predict what role someone may play in your life, will it be for a reason, a season or a lifetime?
There's only one way to find out, my friends.

 

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ~Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

Six Thousand Miles from Home with Nothing but a Beach Towel & a Tiny Bikini Bottom

Last July I went on a solo trip to Paris & Barcelona. It was a phenomenal adventure filled with some pretty interesting experiences.

I had flown into Paris first & I was there for about a week & a half, and it was incredible. It was exciting, fashionable, historic, elegant, expansive, artistic, magnificent, dreamy & well, totally exhausting. I did a lot of tourist-ing while I was there & I made it to all the must see sights: the Eiffel Tower, Momartre, Versailles, the Louvre, the Arc du Triomphe, etc. It really was non-stop. There was SO much to see, to do, to taste! By the time I made it to Spain, I was just spent.

And although I made it to Park Guell & La Sagrada Familia, I readily admit I spent most of my time happily topless & tanning on the beach. On one of these particular days I was reading & I happened upon a Brazilian & Turkish guy playing soccer. I know what you're thinking, but it was strictly platonic, at least on my end & what does one do when traveling alone, but make new international friends. I found them rather annoying at first, because while I was trying to read my book, the Turkish guy was kicking sand up all around me, until the Brazilian guy noticed my annoyance & told his friend to play further away. The Brazilian obviously noticed other things & asked me if I too was Brazilian. I told him I wasn't but that I was from here & I pointed to my beloved Panama beach towel I was lying on that my dad got me on one of his many trips back home when I was younger. Thinking about it, I've probably had that towel for more than 15 years. I'm sentimental about things like that. Well the Brazilian invited me over to join him & his friend for a beer & I really didn't know anyone in the country, except my host but he was working most days, so I joined the two guys & we hung out talking about the difference in cultures of our various countries, the incredible beauty of Barcelona & of what kind of job I could get to move my ass out there. Mind you this whole time I'm topless, because well hell, when in Spain, do as the Spaniards do. That was the beauty of this wonderful beach culture, most of the women were topless & none of the men paid it any attention; it was normal. And hell, even people you may not want to see in those circumstances were splayed out in all their glory with nothing but a bikini bottom or speedos, if they were even that modest. You saw every shape & age out in the sand devouring the beautiful Mediterranean sun. It was beautiful, because it wasn't about vanity or vulgarity, it was about pure, unadulterated pleasure.

So here I was topless, making new friends on foreign lands & the Brazilian decides we should go out & walk out onto these rocks that stretch out into the sea. He said his Spanish friends would probably be out there. So we decide to leave the Turkish guy with our things so we didn't have to carry them over the rocks. I began to put my bikini top on, but the Brazilian stopped me & said why, we'd be right back. So I shrugged & grabbed my beach towel, leaving everything else behind --& I do mean everything, but more on that later-- we made our way towards the rocks. Well along the way lies La Vela, the W Hotel that sits right on the water’s edge. It's shaped like a sail on a ship, hence the Spanish word for it, La Vela. That damn Brazilian was a little too happy to have me walking alongside him topless & in my rio-cut bottoms amongst the hotel guests out on folding chairs (though there is an area for topless sunning, not all of the hotel's property is). Well not like any of them had never seen breasts, so though I felt slightly self conscious, all anyone had to do was look out at the beach & you'd see a sea of topless women. The Brazilian & I made it to the rocks & I met a few of his Barca friends. Everyone was very welcoming & friendly. We hung out there for awhile & the Brazilian & his friends were diving off the rocks into the warm sea water. I refrained as I'm not a strong swimmer --I mean truthfully, I can't swim. My greatest fear of suffocating causes me to freak out with even the slightest feeling of not being able to breathe. Technically these rocks were forbidden to navigate, there had been signs saying not to enter on our way in, but these people lived here so I figured we were all safe. After awhile the Brazilian gets up & starts whistling & waving his arms to his friend, the Turkish guy on the beach to bring, over our stuff. We were about half a mile out, so there was no way his friend could have heard him. Then he turns to me & says he's going to help him & bring back our things & plunges into the ocean, leaving me there with his friends. They were all very nice & it was an equal mixture of girls & boys, so I didn't necessarily feel unsafe with them. I did however have an incredible sinking feeling in my stomach. You see the contents of my bag consisted of more than just a book & flip flops. My purse held my wallet, my phone, my host's house keys, my passport & all the other articles of clothing I wasn't currently wearing. There I was on the rocks, with nothing but my bikini bottoms & a beach towel, & these guys I had just met a mere hours ago were in possession of everything that was not only important, but necessary for the rest of my travels & for me to make it safely back to the States. And it all happened so quickly. I hadn't even had a chance to stop the Brazilian. In an instant he had disappeared beneath the ocean's surface & there was no way I could go in after him with my inability to swim, I'd surely drown. So there I was with thoughts of nothing but what I would do if they didn't come back & stole everything, as I had heard Barcelona was infamous for thieves. I tried to think of a plan. I could go into the hotel & call my host. With what number?! Everything was in my bag! I could log onto to FB from their computer & get his number that way. But I wasn't even a guest of the hotel & I'd be walking in there half naked, with nothing but tiny swimsuit bottoms & a beach towel. I hadn't even so much as brought flip flops! I’d really had just put myself in what could be a disastrous situation. How the hell would I get back home without my passport? What made the whole situation worse was that I'd been robbed just 5 months prior on the beach in Miami. I had been frolicking in the waves along the shore at 4 a.m. while I left my purse in the sand a good distance from the ocean to keep the waves from getting to it. Well it was safe from the salt water, but apparently there are people who hide themselves along the beach waiting for just such a tourist like myself to leave their possessions unattended. I referred to them as "beach gypsies" & those SOBs nearly ruined my trip to Miami. I had no money, phone or ID & continuing the trip, as well as getting back to SF, was a big ordeal. Had I really been foolish enough to let it happen again, in a foreign country, where I really knew no one & would be left with no identification, phone or money?? This situation could be really bad. I was trying to stave off a panic attack or complete freak out, so I kept telling myself it would all be ok. They would come back with my things & there'd be nothing to worry about. And even if they didn't, I'd figure out a way to get ahold of my host & figure out some sort of game plan to finish up the trip & make it back to the states, even without a passport. The minutes waiting for them to return seemed like eternity.

And out of pure luck or karma or just the loveliness of trusting life, the boys arrived with all our stuff in tow about 20 minutes later. I'm not sure if they saw just how relieved I was, but in that moment I thanked my lucky stars & loved Spain all the more for taking care of me. I immediately put my bikini top on, not for sudden shame of my half-nakedness, but from the vulnerability I felt having so much of my immediate future dependent on the honesty & morality of these two men I had just met. I hung out a little while longer, but I ended up telling them I was going to grab something to eat. We exchanged info & I parted ways with them. Truth be told I think I needed a little space to really sit in the reality of what had just happened. Had the situation gone awry, not only would my trip have been ruined, but I'd really have a difficult problem on my hands. I went to one of the nearby changing rooms & put my clothes on to walk the distance to one of the many restaurants along the boardwalk that catered to tourists. I wanted a meal & a strong Sangria stat!

I actually did later meet up with the beach boys. We again shared some conversation, this time over drinks in the city. I never did tell them how worried I was that they could have been Beach Gypsies who could have destroyed my vacation, & made my life pretty hellish for awhile. I think they may have been offended had I told them my initial fears of them being thieves. From that day on I did learn a valuable lesson of not putting so much faith in strangers & not carrying so many important things on me. But I do have to say I was just very lucky to meet such honest, good people thousands of miles from home. And hell, it certainly did make for a ridiculous story, which makes life all the more interesting.

La Vela, with those infamous outlying rocks

Barcelona beach party

Panamá: La Tiera de Mi Sangre

La Isla Taboga
 

Panama. Oh Panama,

You & I were bound to love each other. After all, you are the country where I first opened my eyes to this world; the country where I first took my first breaths & steps. How happy it has made me to finally see you again after all these years. I'd missed you more than I had even realized.

First of all, can I tell you how beautiful you are? I mean you took my breath away with all your vast, lush rain forests, winding rivers, abundance of beaches, array of exotic animals, high mountain tops, untamed countryside, delicious cuisine, richness in history & culture. I went from the chilly, densely vegetated mountains of Boquete to the bustling, 90 degree (plus humidity) weather of Panama City, & I loved every changing degree. You couldn't be more diverse. And so it makes sense that this eclectic girl comes from you. How truly lucky & proud I am to have been born on your soil. 

Love & always yours,
Annie




I have to say after my solo trip to Europe, my trip back home to Panama was a very different experience. In Europe I was alone, in an unknown territory, a stranger among many. And it was wonderful for those reasons. There was incredible beauty & culture to behold, but no substance. I mean don't get me wrong I met some amazing people & made great friends, but the warmth & love that greeted me in Panama was indescribable. I haven't been back in a long time & to feel the love that I did upon my return, well honestly it just melted my heart. Family & really great friends have that ability, to just make you feel at home wherever you are. To be honest it was kind of unnerving at first, because after all, I'm not accustomed to being surrounded by extended family. And boy, let me tell you, do I have extended family! Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, tiny, little nieces, step-aunts & uncles, both great-grandmothers in their mid-nineties-- great genetics for a lengthy life, eh? ;). But it didn't stop there, of course not, I had to meet all the neighbors & the neighbors friends. It was all so different than the States. And oh so wonderful. Because everyone greets one another, both strangers & friends. And if you are friends or close neighbors, well hell, you are family. This is the substance I was talking about. The richest experiences one can have are when you truly connect with other people. It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing, it's the 'with who' that makes for wonderful memories. Studies have repeatedly found that the number one aspect of true happiness is a sense of belonging, either in a family, with friends or in the community. I had this feeling the moment I stepped off the plane.

The obvious magic of travel is experiencing new & novel things. From the crazy 8-hour bus ride from Panama City to Boquete, to the ferry ride to La Isla Tobago where vehicles are not allowed, to the constant competitive crowing of roosters in the country side-- side note: did you know they crow at all hours of the night? Not just at dawn to helpfully wake you up as most sources would have you believe, but whenever they god damn please & once one rooster crows, the others of course have to rise to the challenge. This city girl had no idea. You also won't go hungry in a Panamanian house hold, that's for sure. I was there for two weeks & I only ate out in a restaurant three times. I've had entire days in SF where every meal is eaten out! This is how it works, you show up at someones house, they greet you with big hellos & hugs, & then ask you if you've eaten, sometimes already fixing you a plate before you've answered! I repeat you will not go hungry there! You would have thought I had my share of plantains, beans & fried eggs while I was down there, but I came back home & those three items were definitely on my grocery list.

Some of the incredible sights I saw were the old ruins of Panama Viejo (the old capitol city of Panama), which was the first Spanish colonized city in the Americas & it was later plundered by pirates! Captain Morgan being one of them. In Casco Viejo there was also a solid gold alter that had originally been in the old capitol city which was salvaged only because the priests thought to paint it black so the pirates wouldn't take it. I mentioned La Isla Tobago earlier, which is an island about an hour ferry ride away from Panama City. I fell in love with this little island. It was like right out of a dream. The houses are all on the hillside, like you see in the coast side cities of the Mediterranean. The other half of the island is untamed jungle that looks like something right out of Jurassic Park. There are no cars allowed on the island & Internet connection is horrible, so it really is like a little place lost in time. It's known as the island of flowers for the hundreds of varieties that bloom there & whose fragrance fills the air every Spring. The island is also home to the second oldest church on the western hemisphere. Talk about history! And back on the mainland, in areas like Casco Viejo, you really do see the massive transition Panama is going through. Right next to the decrepit, run down houses are newly erected condos, hotels, boutiques, restaurants & art galleries where the influence of the economic boom & the wealthy can truly be seen. Not all of it is good, though. I myself tend to prefer the older & antique looking structures to the monotonous, bland facades of the newer building; my opinion being that they they lack history & character. There's also the environmental aspects that are quickly changing the natural beauty of the country. Hydroelectric plants have gone up along the rivers to supply water to an ever expanding population. The indigenous people have put up a fight, as they should, because the rivers are slowly but surely shrinking. It's the story of any nation whose economy & population has a dramatically risen. Panama has changed drastically in the last decade, I can only imagine what it will look like in a few years. I don't plan on staying away for very long this time, so I'm sure I will be witness to a lot of the new developments.

I'm already thinking of what I want to see next. On the list is Bocas de Torro, which are picture-perfect islands near the coast of Costa Rica where one can pursue a variety of water sports, like surfing, fishing, snorkeling, dolphin & whale watching; also on the list is the BioMuseo, a museum dedicated to Panama's ecological diversity, which was still under construction this past trip; on the list as well is the Archipelago de San Blas & the rain forests of the Darien Provence, where numerous amounts of wildlife can be found, including many endangered species. I can't think of a better indicator of an incredible trip then when you're already planning when you'll go back. I feel truly blessed to be from such a beautiful country & even more so to have people who eagerly await my return.


The old church bell from Panama Viejo, the city burned down by pirates.


 



Cocoa fruit. Chocolate comes from this?!
 

Roosters: they're ALL ego



The second oldest church in the western hemisphere



A beautiful friend I made. Her name was Achipoli

 

City by the sea



 

Weird plants everywhere!




Panama viejo: A city once here stood. Pirates are destructive.

 

Baby Moo

 

 

 

BioMuseo in its construction phases

It's truly a jungle out there!

Street art. Those god damn pirates are everywhere!

The skyline

I wanted to bring these two back home with me. Don't think I would have made it through customs.

The old charm of Casco Viejo

Destruction really can be beautiful

A country heavily influenced by faith & religion

Casco viejo getting a face lift

 

 

Panamanian sun sets pack a serious punch.



 

Cheers to Health, Happiness & Being Ballsy!

Just one of the many beautiful sights I was lucky enough to see this year.

 

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better"

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  

So it's been FAR too long since I've written. Well I actually write almost everyday, but most of my inner most thoughts & feelings shouldn't be broadcast to the general public ... oops, have I said too much? Crap, I have the tendency to do that.

So where have I been you might ask? You might guess somewhere boring & not worth writing about, but that guess would be way off mark. I took a pretty big trip by myself in July to Paris & Barcelona where I couch surfed & navigated my way through the city of lights & later embraced my inner-gypsy in Barcelona. That trip was amazing, because it really proved to myself (& friends & worried family members) how ballsy I can be, I have the tendency to underestimate myself. I should know better by now :s. I mean c'mon, it's Paris & Barcelona! How could the trip not be ridiculously fantastic?! There were a lot of elements leading up to that trip that caused me to doubt whether I should go or not-- I had just landed a job with benefits, my finances weren't in the best order & I was going across the Atlantic Ocean to two countries I didn't know much about except from the reading I'd done in my Lonely Planet Europe on a Shoestring book. I didn't even have the luxury of people I'd met before, nor did I know a lick of French!

But hey, life is short & we're bound to regret the opportunities & chances we don't take far more than the ones we do. That trip was inspiring in many ways, & that alone deserves it's own entry, but I came back & felt moved, enough so to quit that job with the benefits, which ended up being pretty lame, actually. Yes, benefits are great, but you know what's better? Respecting where you work, admiring who you work for & being able to evolve because of the work you do. Makes for a happier, healthier life. And that may even mean you won't need the benefits provided by the lame job that stresses you out, but you show up to everyday anyway because you're afraid of not having benefits, which in turn stresses you out more to the point of exhaustion or illness. Ahhhh!!! It's a vicious cycle. But hey a sound mind creates a sound body. True story.

The latest chapter was my trip back home to Panama. Now that, that place certainly deserves it's own entry & it will get one. It really did feel like going back home, but to a home I never knew before. Not to get too sentimental or deep, but getting in touch with your roots & where you come from just grounds you in a way nothing else can. It felt like a missing puzzle piece had finally been snugly put back where it belonged. I've gone back before, but this time was different, because I'm different. The prior visit was my senior year in high school, I'd hardly had any life experience & being raised in the States really does create a sense of culture shock. But give me about a decade & I've seen my fair share of the world & dare I say, become more cultured, but also much more street smart. I've become savvy to the fact that though something can be incredibly different or even strange, it doesn't make it any less beautiful. In fact it's because it does take you out of your element that you can fully appreciate it. Experiences like that have the potential to change you & your life. All I can say to those opportunities is, Bring It! There will be more to come, sooner than later. It's fantastic to be back ;). Cheers!

It's 2013. Time to make some sparks fly!